adult conspiracy

at morning i stare at the walls
at evening i gaze at the stars
at night i just sleep in my bed
or sit in my kitchen instead

at morning i think of you
at evening i think of you too
at night i just sleep in my bed
or sit in my kitchen instead

at morning i wait for the night
at evening i wait for the night
at night i can sleep in my bed
or sit in my kitchen instead

break the bells

don't talk
don't talk
the fury calls
quit it now and let it fall
walk away
erase your your name
and never forget your pain
never fall in love again

be cruel
be cruel
the fury yells
slam the door
and break the bells
do it now
you must vow
always to remember pain
never fall in love again

always the same mistake
stuck at an endless take
everything i touch
is a mirage

don't think
don't think
the fury screams
forget your brain
listen to me
and i make
a promise to break
never to forget my pain
never fall in love again

wielding your sword

i say stop wielding your sword
i don’t know who you’re fighting against
stop before someone gets hurt
if a head is cut off it can’t be replaced
everyone thinks you just play
most people endure kittens’ pranks with a smile
i think they make a mistake
i see real flames raging fierce in your eyes
you know you look like a girl
that fights hordes of foes on an empty plain
you’re trying to rip the whole world
but yet only those who loved you were slain
oh but you don’t notice that
swinging your blade, your vision is blurred
your fight is totally mad
try to calm down, put down your sword

in the forest

it was a deep blue astounding night
and i was listening to the leaves
and in the slow and wet moonlight
it seemed like they were grease
i thought i wandered enough
i was cold and i was tired
but then i hear
a murmur in my ear
“maybe you stay here for a while?”

it was dark and the trees were close
and i couldn’t look around
the air was just like grayish gauze
and i froze right to the ground
i thought i heard a quick laugh
but i really couldn’t see a thing
and then i hear
a breath in my ear
“are you indeed afraid of me?”

my heart was pounding like mad
i was peering into trees
thinking i should have fled
i was feeble in my knees
a shape came out of the dark
and suddenly the place was well lit
and then i hear
a whisper in my ear
“could you please talk to me a bit?”

i looked up and the girl was there
but i couldn’t say her age
she moved with easy care
as if she was on stage
she stretched out her hand
and i answered her move with my touch
and then i hear
a promise in my ear
“i will not demand too much”

i said why you’re welcome sure
the moon was high
i said yes let’s talk why not
let’s walk a mile

so we walked with her hand in mine
and her hand was stone cold
i was stiff and mute and blind
like it was not me at all
i stumbled over roots
and almost fell down to my knees
and then i hear
a surprise in my ear
“why don’t you put your trust in me?”

she pulled me down to the grass
and i looked at her face
her eyes were burning like stars
and i clutched at her waist
her pale green dress slipped
and i stroked her smooth silken skin
and then i hear
a sigh in my ear
“you will drown yourself in me”

i said yes let’s risk it now
the moon was blind
i said why this is a dream
let’s make it wild
and the night went on and on
and the night crawled on and on
and the note was climbing higher and higher and higher and higher
and then it was gone

so it’s a brand new sunny day
but i’ll just stay at home
i feel some dull persistent pain
as if i’m made of stone
now i know who i met
but i have to forget if i can
and then i scream
insatiable scream
“please let my heart be whole again”

today

(self-translation from russian)

in the trees the wind sang about everyone whom I had loved
throwing itself on the branches, it groaned their names out
lips were burning like fire and cheeks were ice-seized
i sat, the wind sang, we gave up to our memories
everyone walks away hiding traces in yesterdays
they ride dark gray clouds into lead-coloured veil
but my plane never came and my taxi was late
i sat, the wind played his tambourine like a shaman

autumn took me a prisoner without bloodshed
whirled me with a storm of red and yellow shades
yet i held it together yes i did yesterday
but today ---

ambiguous

this instance... this silence...
the image of violence
the mirror is frozen
hatred... it grows on

the madness... the malice...
the dark of blind alleys
the horror... the power...
the most weird flower

it blooms like a fire
it smells of desire
its petals are pure hate
it is a dream of you, my mate

the wind of destruction
the stench of corruption
cold like the pole ice
gleam in the strange eyes

the ugly-faced fear
that blood-boiling fever
the ultimate shower
that feeds the weird flower

it bursts like a fire
it smells of desire
its petals are pure hate
it is a dream of you, my mate

it screams like a fire
it smells of desire
its petals are pure hate
i dreamed a dream of you again

greed

summer comes and in the streets
somebody walks sombody talks
you come and lay your hand on me
but i just really don't want
summer comes with summer games
summer comes with wind and dust
i don't think you sense the strain
all your love is in the past

feelings are humiliated in a paroxysm of greed
sticky hands all over the place
words are all unable to fit
into the weary mask of your face
aimlessness and voice is gone
dreary days sink into sand
all the right moves were wrong
and our very hearts were lent

i think i should drink
till i can't see
please allow me
to forget your greed
my greed
all the greed in the world
the images distort
again and again
and it never ends
we're always greedy

proxima

i take a handful of your light
sliding down on me
from where you sleep
amongst the silence
and the night will never end
i take a handful of your life
and breathe it in again

comets like moth brushing past your face
are mistaking fire for flowers
and burn without a trace

i take a handful of your glare
crushing down on me
from out of your dream
when you never know me and you never care
that deity can hurt her man
i give you heartful of my love
i give you everything i can

comets like moth brushing past your face
are mistaking love for flowers
and burn without a trace

sinking song

i sank you sank
and laughed and drank
and talked and hissed
and looked and kissed

i sank you sang
we cheered and drank
we walked and ran
and walked again

i sank you sank
and smiled and drank
we danced and sat
and went to bed

we talked and kissed
delighted, pleased
we loved and drank
you sank i sank