Friday 29 May 2009

the ruby dream

every morning boasts more blue sky
i’m overwhelmed by you
i cannot write
squeeze out but just some idiot happy lines
the way you throw your arms around my neck
and smile
the way you slip your dress down to the floor
and i
forget to breathe for quite a long while

week by week I’m sucking on a straw
we’re living somewhere
outside the world
with perfect moments and a perfect play
the way you look at me when
i look away
the way I lay my leg on you before
i wake
makes me wish it always stays the same

spring is meowing like a playful cat
or maybe only
we can notice that
tuned to the wave of ruby dream
the way you close your eyes when
you are kissing me
the way you sometimes cry when
you believe i sleep
makes me think i’ll never ever let you leave

the feather boats

the feather boats dragged onto hostile shore
their rowers devoured their skins lie like mats on the floor
i watch from somewhere shaking with dull painful throes
the feather boats scattered like no one will sail them back home
but when the sky was still blue
and serene
the feather boats flew
the sea was deep green
and I was a boy
with beautiful eyes
my father was young
and my mother all smiles

yet I float like a snowflake and watch remnants sink into sand
my flaccid slow head sways this vision is going on end
it smells like stale perfume, i breathe in the sweet sticky scent
the feather boats vanish, the last little copper coin spent
the mouth of the trap opened wide
and inviting
it was a mysterious ride
so exciting
every next morning
the sky was brand new
when did it change
oh i never knew

now i’m crushed like a bug the glassy sky lies on the ground
the funny bells ring the same pattern round and round
the feather boats lost, i think they will never be found
in the end of the dream it turned into pus pouring out
the sick thrill invades through my breath
i’m so tired
i don’t want to finish myself
in this pyre
but i’m a stranger
to all I believe
when all i despise
is the inside of me

set sail
and take me away
set sail
i can’t stand this strain
set sail
and stop it stop it going on
set sail
please take me back home

Friday 30 January 2009

munch's nightmare


(munch = edvard munch, a great norwegian artist)


he asks me about something
but i can’t hear
i hate him like he’s gay
or a pedophile
i scream him to fuck off
my fist landing in his face
snot of blood on his nose
it swells it fucking sways
he falls flat on his back
coughing out his chewing gum
i’m crushing walls enraged
rock like bloody pendulum
my knuckles splashing red
and axons yell with pain
i’m gasping for some air
my chest can’t move like chained
he now sits and stares
the shapes around are still
static Munch’s nightmare
some delirious thrill
my half blind effort makes it
i slam the fucking door
then I break down and wail
like hundreds times before

get away

get her away from me
can't stand the fucking face
throw her away from here
get her out of this fucking place

she fucks my life out
a splinter in my eyes
i hate that stupid pout
however hard she tries

my head feels like mud
i'm sick and tired of hate
throw her out for a start
i'll watch her fuck away

i'm going to explode
if she ever comes again
she's such a fucking load
she's driving me insane

Saturday 24 January 2009

my hope

when i was young i dreamt of place
that would belong to me
i dreamt of land with no map
a place of mystery

when i grew up the world was mapped
and miracles were rare
my land had sunk i lost my hope
to find it anywhere

but now that hope is revived
my life can start anew
you look like you can be the one
i put my trust in you

and if you change the whole world
replace its weary face
you’ll take me out of the dark
you’ll fish me out of space

we’ll cross the desert and the sea
to where my memories
will never die and never fade
but always stay with me

and yes i know we’ll find the land
new to the smallest grain
and then i shall give up my fear
and shall forgive my pain

the walk

it’s a sunny and warm-for-a-winter day
let’s walk a few miles, shake off your fat you say
it’s minus five
it’s perfect
the sun shines from the crystal sky
i’m overcome with joy
i almost fly

my bucket starts and we drive out of town
some fifteen miles and now the rocks are around
the car is parked
we’re going
the willows boast titmouse parade
my heart feels big
like it’s a date

and yeah i sing those cute and sexy lines
that everybody wants to be a cat sometimes
the cat though
stayed at home
i’m sipping on the heady air
i’ll kiss you and
who cares if people stare

i’m not yet tired, the road starts to climb
you fed your favorite nuthatch and you smile
i joke about
your red nose
you push me oh the snowdrift’s deep
i flounder laughing and
i can’t find grip

so we’ve come to the top and are flown in the wind
pines sing their hymns and “Old Man” looks so grim
oh this gets
really cold here
we drink tea from the thermos flask
we must go back
and it’s no easy task

i always knew that it would be like this
your sparkling eyes and heaven spread under trees
we’re silent
on the drive home
impressions have to settle first
my heart’s still big
i almost burst

funny walk through reserve wood
fat is burnt and i feel good
my stamina is renewed
now let’s go to bed, i know we should!!!

Saturday 17 January 2009

rivers

a stick in my eye
my sleep is broken up
i spilt my blood over my bed
but strangely it wasn't red

rivers from my eyes shed black
rivers from my eyes
pain in my head
needle in my back
rain in my bed
and screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed and slept
again

slavery

when i walk i feel like exposed
for the horde of filthy goats
feel like a slave examined by a lewd
and disgusting eager brute

i know they stare at my trot
a slave probably worth being bought
a body ready to be used
designed for anything you choose

and i scream
yell them go from me
but they gather round me
getting firmer hold on me
i hate the slavery

oh how i hate this dismal place
salivary mouths pressed against my face
fat hands stroking and pinching my flesh
and greed and sweat dripping on my head

fascinated with my walk
they stare at me block after block
and i writhe with useless wrath
they want to have me or kill me or both

and i scream in the street
yell them go from me
but they strangle me
getting firmer hold on me
i hate the slavery

Wednesday 7 January 2009

a new type

a flash across my wandering eye
a red-haired splinter in my mind
i honestly tried
to drive my eyes away
you didn't want it and i failed

it's so hard to classify
you always get to change my mind
maybe i will have to find
a blank page in my book of types
or throw it away

a flash across your wandering eye
a black-haired splinter in your mind
you honestly tried
to force your eyes away
i prayed you didn't and you failed

it's so hard to classify
the way we feel the way we smile
maybe i will have to find
a blank page in my book of types
or throw it away

count to three

i was standing on a cliff
looking down frightened ill
i was standing on a cliff
and my heart was frozen still

then a sparrow flew to me
he was just a tiny chum
and he said: first count to three
then jump

Thursday 1 January 2009

device

i went to have a test
wanted to know what suits me best
maybe i'd excel as a crazy animal defender
or maybe being a butcher would suit me much better
but the machine had an independent mind
it said i definitely was of its own gizmo kind

i've been classified as a device
i have binoculars instead of eyes
i don't have blood but oil
i don't have hands
only airfoils
i wonder if there is room for soul

i lost a monster who used to define me as a man
who used to live in my heart and in my head
it's very clear why the machine thought me a kin
i'm now much more mechanic than i've ever been

i've been classified as a device
i have binoculars instead of eyes
i don't have blood but oil
i don't have hands
only airfoils
i wonder if there is room for soul

i went to have a test that would tell
why i feel like living in some little killing hell
i thought i'd be told to become a driver or a simply good guy
though i never thought i'd get that kind of reply
but machines always see truth by their smart hi-tech eyes
and one of them told me i was a device

it's a new year